Artistic Parental Presence
Parenting: Delight, Overwhelm, and Terror All at Once
Parenting is a journey full of ups and downs. Anastasia DeBakel, a pediatrician based in southern Utah, and the mother of eight sons, understands the complexities of parenting from personal experience. In her video script, she shares her views on the challenges of parenting and the quest for perfection.
The Challenges of Parenting: A Personal Account
Anastasia’s experience as a mother of eight sons has given her a unique perspective on the challenges of parenting. She shares how her life is a backdrop of flying Nerf darts, continual running and chasing, and lots of musical instrument practice. Anastasia spends much of her time at home, but some of her time at her clinic, working with kids who have anxiety, ADHD, and other behavioral health issues, using an integrative whole person approach.
Anastasia explains how parenting is both a delight and an overwhelm, sometimes wrapped into the same moment. She had seven orphaned baby ducks, two frogs, five scorpions, and one tarantula, all come to her, all caught by her kids, living on her porch. This kind of experience is not unique to her, and every parent has their own stories of challenges they’ve faced.
The Quest for Perfection in Parenting: The Illusion of Setting Up Perfect Conditions
As parents, we often feel like we need to set up perfect conditions for our kids. We chase an elusive dream that if somehow we could set up everything perfectly for our kids, everything would be just fine. Anastasia talks about how the constant barrage of parenting advice available in books and articles and blogs has only increased our desperation.
She shares her personal experience of feeling inadequate, imperfect, and afraid of ruining her kids. She had an existential moment on her front lawn when a neighbor walked by and said, “Wow, you just finished residency, now you get to be home more with your kids like you’ve always wanted.” Anastasia felt paralyzed by all the recommendations and ideals swirling around her.
Anastasia started a quest to figure out what motherhood was really about. Over a long, drawn-out process of about 10 years, she had written a book and also come to the important conclusion that her job as a parent was different than she once thought.
In conclusion, parenting is full of challenges, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. We need to let go of the illusion of setting up perfect conditions and hug the art of parenting.
Parenting as an Art: The Importance of Grounded, Loving Presence
Parenting is a journey filled with delight, overwhelm, and terror all at once. As a pediatrician and a mother of eight sons, Anastasia DeBakel knows all too well the challenges of parenting. In her experience, there is no such thing as a perfect parent, but there is a way to approach parenting as an art, with grounded, loving presence at its core.
The Science of Parenting: The Importance of Deliberate Practice
Research shows that deliberate practice is crucial to developing mastery in any skill area, and parenting is no exception. By the time a child turns two, parents will have spent well over 10,000 hours in deliberate practice. However, the skills required for parenting are constantly evolving, making it feel like a moving target. It’s no wonder parents often feel like they’re failing.
The Three Qualities of Grounded, Loving Presence: Grounding, Love, and Presence
According to DeBakel, grounded, loving presence is the foundation of her compassion parenting framework. It’s a state of being that allows parents to access their deepest knowing to nourish the growth of their children. Grounding is about tuning in to the base that’s already beneath you and the wisdom already inside you. Love needs a source, and it must come from something bigger than yourself and something enduring. Presence means showing up, being awake, and attuned.
When parents show up with grounded, loving presence, many things take care of themselves. They parent with more ease, effectiveness, and joy. With their newfound steadiness, they’re able to be a resource to others, offering a steady base to their children through responsiveness rather than overreaction. Love helps children feel valued, cherished, and connected, while presence shows them they’re a priority and provides needed supervision and mentorship.
Conclusion
Parenting is an art that requires deliberate practice, grounded, loving presence, and a willingness to be present in the moment. As helpful as all the resources can be, parenting will never be more science than art. It’s not about setting up perfect conditions or clinging white-knuckled to a set of scripts and tips and situational how-tos. Grounded, loving presence offers a healing path forward, no matter what life brings. So, let’s show up with grounded, loving presence and enjoy the journey of parenting.
The Importance of Being a Supportive Adult: The Buffer Against Toxic Stress
Parenting is a daunting task, but it becomes more manageable when we realize that it is an art that requires grounded, loving presence. Grounded, loving presence is a state of being that allows us to access our deepest knowing to nourish the growth of our children. In this blog post, we will discuss the importance of being a supportive adult and how it can serve as a buffer against toxic stress.
Grounding: Tuning into the Wisdom Within You
Grounding is the first quality of grounded, loving presence. It is about tuning in to the base that is already beneath you and the wisdom already inside you. The ground is always there, but we need to learn to feel it. When we are grounded, we feel safe and secure, and we are less reactionary. Holding it together is no longer an act of sheer will. With our new steadiness, we are able to be a resource to others.
Love: A Moving Thing That Needs a Source
Love is the second quality of grounded, loving presence. It is not something you hold; it is a moving thing that needs a source. Love needs to come from somewhere, and it needs to be bigger than yourself and enduring. When you foster grounded, loving presence, your kids will eventually reflect it back to you. Love notices, cherishes, and commits. It leaves an imprint that can never be erased. As a parent, you can be that source of love for your child.
The Importance of Being a Supportive Adult: The Buffer Against Toxic Stress
Research shows that the most important buffer against the negative effects of toxic stress during childhood is the connection to one supportive adult. You can be that supportive adult for a child in your life. With pandemics, natural disasters, political unrest, and rising levels of anxiety, depression, and suicide, there is a generation of kids that need you.
Toxic stress can be caused by adverse childhood experiences, such as abuse, neglect, or parental substance abuse. Toxic stress can affect a child’s health, behavior, and ability to learn. However, having a supportive adult can serve as a buffer against the negative effects of toxic stress.
Conclusion
Parenting is an art that requires grounded, loving presence. Grounding, love, and presence are the three qualities that make up grounded, loving presence. Being a supportive adult can serve as a buffer against toxic stress and make a significant difference in a child’s life. By tuning into the wisdom within you and being a source of love, you can offer a healing path forward for yourself and those around you.
Presence: Showing Up and Being Awake and Attuned
Parenting is a challenging job that requires us to be present, attentive, and grounded. With so many distractions and demands on our time and attention, it can be easy to lose sight of what’s truly important and miss out on the joys of parenting.
Presence: Showing Up and Being Awake and Attuned
Being present means showing up and being fully engaged in the moment. It means putting down our phones and other distractions and focusing on our children and their needs. When we are present, we can listen to our children, respond to their needs, and offer them the love and support they need to thrive.
Enjoying Parenting: Returning to Ourselves and Not Missing the Butterfly
To enjoy parenting, we need to return to ourselves and not get caught up in the busyness of life. We need to slow down, take a breath, and appreciate the beauty and wonder of our children and the world around us. When we do this, we can savor the small moments of joy that make parenting such a rewarding and fulfilling experience.
The Reassurance: Everything Is Going to Be Okay
As parents, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and unsure of ourselves at times. We worry about whether we’re doing enough for our children and whether we’re making the right decisions. But it’s important to remember that everything is going to be okay. We have the grounding, love, and presence we need to be good parents, and we can trust in ourselves and in our ability to be there for our children.
In conclusion, being present, grounded, and loving are essential qualities for effective parenting. When we show up with grounded, loving presence, many things take care of themselves. We parent with more ease, effectiveness, and joy. And when we’re enjoying parenting, we’re actually better parents. Remember, everything is going to be okay. Trust in yourself and your ability to be a supportive, loving presence in your child’s life.
Parenting is both a challenge and a joy, a journey that requires constant learning and adapting. It is easy to get lost in the sea of advice and recommendations, but the truth is that parenting is an art that cannot be fully mastered through science and rules. Grounded, loving presence is the key to effective and fulfilling parenting. By growing grounding, love, and presence, parents can offer their children the support, safety, and mentorship they need to thrive. It is also important to remember that parenting is not just about the children, but also about the adults themselves. Being present and attuned to oneself and the moment is crucial for enjoying parenting and not missing out on its joys. The role of a supportive adult cannot be overstated, as it provides a crucial buffer against toxic stress in children. Ultimately, everything is going to be okay. With the ground holding us up, the source of love within us, and our presence in the moment, we can be the loving and supportive adults our children need us to be.
